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Post by okiegirl on Jan 18, 2015 4:42:42 GMT -6
Chapter 1
Today started like any other day, get the kiddo's dressed and drive them to school then start my to-do list. We were about a block away from the school when the Emergency Broadcast System sounded on the radio, you know the long loud beep that sets your teeth to grinding especially early in the morning. I started to switch the radio off when the announcer came on and said, "All public schools in Oklahoma are closed today." What the heck is going on now I wondered?
Jon and Misty were both excited because they had a free day and started to plan their day. I was puzzled and kept listening to the radio hoping they would explain why the schools were dismissed for the day. I could understand one or two school closings but not the whole state.
As time passed and no more information was announced I was beginning to seriously worry. Like any Mom my first thought was some kind of disease or virus must be going through the entire school system but surely if that was going on instructions would be announced to take children to the doctor. I hurried home to check the television and internet hoping to find out what was going on.
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Post by okiegirl on Jan 18, 2015 4:45:32 GMT -6
This is my first story so please let me know what I can do better and if you even want to see more of this story. Thanks
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Post by mic on Jan 18, 2015 6:20:41 GMT -6
Hi Okegirl, Welcome to the group. A couple of format tips that others have shared are: - More, smaller paragraphs are easier to read in a forum format. - Put a blank line between paragraphs. Easier on the eyes. - Use paragraphs to separate actions. (If John, Paul and Ringo are all doing something in the same paragraph, it's easy for a reader to lose track of who is doing what.)
Oh, and spelling. People are quite forgiving on the forum, but still, misspellings can really mess with readers. With that in mind, do not trust auto-correct. It is either not as smart as it thinks, or has a cruel sense of humor. (He put the note on the tree truck)
Of course, minding your They're, There and Their, are good, as is Your and You're. :-)
But, no one gets voted off the island, so write on!
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Post by millwright on Jan 18, 2015 9:04:23 GMT -6
WOO-HOOO New writer........new story
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Post by kaijafon on Jan 19, 2015 10:16:07 GMT -6
Keep going! I need more to determine if I like it or not seriously, thanks for the new story!
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Post by ydderf on Jan 19, 2015 21:15:56 GMT -6
Welcome Okiegirl thanks for sharing your story with us. I will read all you write have no fear what you write will be read and appreciated.
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Post by patience on Jan 21, 2015 22:40:11 GMT -6
Great start! Hope you keep this going.
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Post by willc453 on Jan 25, 2015 20:32:25 GMT -6
Wonder if okiegirl is doing a story as a diary entry? Maybe she's found out what's happening in the next chapter and at the end of the day, she's been writing down what's been happening with the thought that maybe her kids (or future grandkids) would like to know what was happening at the time?
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Post by okiegirl on Jan 26, 2015 23:32:01 GMT -6
Chapter 2
The local news was flashing the school closing across the television screen and the announcer was reporting that a severe flu epidemic was ongoing though out the state. Over three dozen children were hospitalized due to the severity of this particular strain of flu. Several of the patients were placed in intensive care due to respiratory problems. The doctor’s offices were overwhelmed with phone calls and patients were waiting for hours to be seen in both Emergency Rooms and Clinic’s.
A specialist from the CDC was interviewed and stated that the flu vaccine given earlier this year seemed to be ineffective against this strain of flu. This flu appeared to be attacking the elderly and school age children more so than any other known strain. Of course, the CDC was working as fast as possible to develop a new vaccine.
This is the list of symptoms given: 1, Fever 2. Muscle aches 3. Chills 4. Vomiting 5. Respiratory problems
I think to myself this is all normal for someone with the flu. I wonder what government suits aren’t telling that has them so spooked.
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Post by freshwaterpearl on Mar 30, 2015 23:11:53 GMT -6
Are the kids okay? Are they all sick and dying.
As for a critique- the writing is good, you can put sentences together well.
Your third post. How about putting the kids to some chore or game so that you can catch the news. Some dialogue, like coming mid sentence into the anchor’s report “… Here’s Tanya Tucker on the scene at St. Robert’s Hospital in Fort Gratiot. Tanya?” “Yes, Bob. As you can see, the Emergency Room at St. Robert’s is full. Already there are reports of over 36 children presently being hospitalized throughout the state…"
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Post by fightheat on May 6, 2015 11:19:45 GMT -6
Like it so far please continue as RL allows!
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Post by okiegirl on Jul 16, 2015 1:48:05 GMT -6
Chapter 3
I listened to the television until the news anchors started repeating themselves and speculating on how bad the flu really was. After checking the Internet for more news and finding basically the same information I decided to fix lunch and then get the kids to help in the garden.
We spent a couple of hours in the garden cleaning weeds and picking tomatoes, okra and squash. When that was finished we went in and both kids went to their rooms to play video games. I immediately turned on the television and it was showing the front of the local hospital on the screen. The newscaster was saying, " .... children were transferred to the Intensive Care Unit about fifteen minutes ago and put into isolation." She was trying to interview some of the parents but the hospital security people came in and said they would have to leave. The camera panned across the faces of several parents that were in the waiting room and I could plainly see the fear and stress on all their faces. Unfortunately I didn't hear how many children were involved and the television station said, "More news at 5:00 p.m."
I left the television on and started washing the tomatoes and chopping the other ingredients I would need to make salsa. Some of the salsa would be used right away and some I would put up in canning jars for this winter. I was happy to add 8 more jars to the pantry and included them on my list of on hand items. After completing that task I started slicing the okra and getting it ready to go into the freezer. Suddenly the television went to a news break and showed a man and woman walking out the front door of the hospital. The mother had tears streaming down her face and father had a look of deep sorrow and disbelief on his face. The reporter rushed up and asked them what was going on? They kept walking with the reporter trailing behind until he seated his distraught wife in the car. He then turned and said, "We just lost our son would you please leave us along?" He then turned away got in the car and drove off. The reporter looked as stunned as I felt and the tv channel cut to a commercial. I stopped what I was doing to pay close attention to what was going on as soon as the news came back on.
Channel 12 news came back on with the reporter talking to an emergency room doctor. He said, "Unfortunately we did have a young boy pass away from the flu do to complications." Dr. Ratcliff wouldn't comment on the case any further stating HIPA rules and regulations forbade it. He did say that more patients were coming into the hospital emergency room and some were being hospitalized. He didn't say what the requirements were for hospitalization and did not add to the list of symptoms they had already shared.
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Post by kaijafon on Jul 16, 2015 20:16:29 GMT -6
Thank you for the moar!!!
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Post by echo38 on Jul 18, 2015 9:55:41 GMT -6
Very good start hope to see more soon.
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Post by mnn2300 on Oct 31, 2015 14:28:31 GMT -6
Any more?
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Post by kaijafon on Nov 1, 2015 6:55:15 GMT -6
I think she forgot about us since she hasn't been here since July.
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