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Post by cashless1 on Dec 12, 2023 16:14:43 GMT -6
COOPERATION
1
At the age of 23, I inherited my grandparents’ farm. It is 160 acres, part wood’s part tillable and pasture plus the home site and lake. I do not remember it, but a tornado destroyed the old farmhouse. It did not really destroy it, but it did rotate the house 18 inches on the foundation. That put a fear in my grandparents that they could not get over.
They decided to build underground. They continued to live in the old house during construction. A plumber had to reconnect the water and septic lines. The electric had to rerouted. The doors and drawers did not work like they used to, but it was just temporary. So, they lived with it. The insurance paid for most of the new house, and they were not poor to begin with.
They did not get along with my father, so I did not get to see them very often. Mom would take me to see my grandparents but not dad. They said dad was greedy and dad said they should sell the farm and move to town and live like normal people.
I loved it on the farm and when I got my driver’s license I was out there as often as I could. I would help them where I could and learn as I went along. I enjoyed working on the machinery with gramps. I wanted to make pets out of all the animals but was told it would be hard to kill and eat a pet.
After I graduated high school, I moved to the farm. I could not get along with my dad, no matter what I did, he found fault in it. I had a part time job working with a mechanic in town. The rest of the time I worked with gramps, learning to be a farmer, and having a lot of fun doing it. If I screwed something up, gramps showed me how to fix it, not belittle me for making a mistake, one day while gramps and I were working on the hay rake he ask how I liked it out here on the farm? I told him I loved it. His next comment was, when gram and I are gone, it will be yours. I ask about mom; shouldn’t it go to her? He said if we leave it to her, your dad will make her sell it so he could build the big house in a gated community he always wanted. I did not know what to say, so I just nodded. He said just take care of your grandmother and never put her in a nursing home, that would kill her, there is enough money to take care of her for a long time. I told him I would take care of them both. He said we need to go to the bank and get your name on all the accounts and the safe deposit box.
They still had 2 jersey milk cows that they had let go dry, their arthritis kept them from milking anymore, and a few chickens, that was all the livestock they had left. He had sold off all the beef cattle. He had a local farmer plant and pick the 40 acres of tillable ground. He did put up the hay crop with the help of a couple of neighbor teens to do the bailing, he kept enough for his cows and sold the rest. He was basically retired. They had quit putting in the big garden, just enough to eat fresh, gram did not can anything anymore.
It was time to do the last cutting of hay for the year, gramps wasn’t feeling very good so I mowed the hay and let it dry before I raked it up to bale, he drove the tractor, pulling the bailer and I rode the rack stacking the bales and we got 4 hay racks full and he said he was going to go lay down and ask me to get a neighbor boy to help put the hay in the loft. That evening he admitted he did not feel too good, and gram gave him hell for doing too much. After supper he went back to bed and I helped gram do the dishes, gram said he is going to kill himself if he doesn’t slow down. The next morning, she could not wake him up, she yelled for me, but I could not rouse him either. I called 911 and waited for the ambulance. They checked him over and raced him to the hospital. I got gram in the car and followed them in, they would not let us go in with him. A doctor finally came out and said they were going to take him to a room in ICU and we could see him there for a few minutes, only one of us at a time. He had, had a heart attack. I let gram go in first while I did the paperwork and gave them his information. When I got back gram said I could not go in to see him for a while, so we waited. A nurse came out and said he was resting, she said she knew him, because she lived near us. She said after he is released, she would stop by and check up on him. I think she said her name was Jan but am not sure. After I went in and saw him, I took gram home, against her wishes. The next morning, we were at the hospital bright and early they made us wait before we could go in. Gram went in first and the Dr. came out and talked to me. He apologized to me and said we should probably make arrangements; he did not think gramps would make it much longer. When gram came out, she was crying, and said he is not going to make it is he? I told her it did not look good, but you never know, we went to the chapel and said our prayers and waited until one of us could go in to see him again, I let her go in, she needed the time with him more than I did. While I was waiting the nurse from yesterday saw me and ask how he was? I told her not good, she ask me how gram was doing? I said she is strong and holding up. Her name is Janet, I saw it on her name tag, I could not stand to sit and wait another 2 hours before she could go back in, so I insisted we go get something to eat and go home. I had chores to do. The next morning it was the same routine I fed the cows and birds, and we went to the hospital. Gram went in and sat with him and then we waited for my turn. We could hear the bells and alarms going off and an announcement over the PA system, but we did not understand what they said, people were running in and out of gramps room and then the bells quit. Jan came running up and said she heard the alarms and recognized the room number, The Dr. came out and said I am sorry, but he is gone there was nothing we could do. Jan was crying and said if there is anything I can do, call me, she gave me her phone number, gave gram and me a hug and said she had to get back to work.
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Post by rep1270 on Dec 12, 2023 18:58:31 GMT -6
Great start. Thank you. Ralph
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Post by gipsy on Dec 12, 2023 19:15:49 GMT -6
And we are off on another fine adventure
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Post by cnk479 on Dec 13, 2023 3:56:06 GMT -6
Looks like a really good start.
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Post by feralferret on Dec 13, 2023 4:29:23 GMT -6
Off and running with another good story. Thanks!
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Post by cashless1 on Dec 13, 2023 18:48:38 GMT -6
I had to help gram to the car, and she said take me to the funeral home, as she gave me directions. We made the arrangements and I said we would write up the obituary and get it to them tomorrow. I took gram home and she walked in without help. And no more tears, she got a note pad and had me write the obit. Her hands were shaking so bad she could not write. We moped around the rest of the afternoon lost in our own thoughts neither of us wanted anything to eat. Later a car drove up and Jan got out and she had a couple of bags in her hand and said I brought you something to eat. I invited her in, she said she did not want to intrude, she just wanted to make sure we ate. She did sit and have coffee while we ate, and she pulled out her cell phone and pushed a button and my phone rang she said now you have my number; in case you lost the note I gave you. I ask where she got my number? She smiled and said it was on the hospital records, I hope you do not mind. I told her it was fine and. I had lost her note. I told her I had to take the obit in tomorrow so they can get it in the paper. She offered to take it home and email it to them for me, I gave it to her and thanked her for saving me a trip and for supper that she would not let me pay for.
I had a computer when I lived at home, but dad said he paid for it and was keeping it. I had not bothered to get a new one. After Jan left, I checked my phone and I had missed 4 calls from work, so I called the boss, he wanted to know where in the hell I had been, and why I had ignored his calls, after I explained about gramps and about turning my phone off while in the hospital, he apologized and said he was sorry for my loss and to return to work when I could, no hurry.
The next 3 days were a blur with first the visitation and the funeral and neighbors stopping by with food and cakes. We are both physically and mentally drained. Gram is not the same, she does not eat very much, and just mopes around the house, I have been helping her fix something to eat and keeping the house straight, she will answer questions but does not say anything else.
Mom came out as soon as she found out, they had been on vacation and did not get the news until they got back, she was very upset and felt guilty for not being there for her mother, I ask where dad was and she said he would not come out, gram said, THAT FIGURES, and walked away, which made mom feel worse. I went out to feed the stock and get away from it all. Nothing changed. Gram just moped around I did not feel like I could leave her alone so I called my boss and told him about it and that I did not know if I would be back to work. After 3 weeks, there Is no change in gram except she is nothing but skin and bones.
Jan stops by to check on us and is getting worried about gram too, she says gram is depressed and said I should take her to a doctor, I told her I would make an appointment tomorrow. She said if you cannot get her in soon to call her and she would see what she could do. The first opening was 6 weeks away so I called Jan and told her, she wanted the Drs name, and I told her, she said she would see what she could do. Jan called me back and said gram has an appointment at 10 am tomorrow. I thanked her and told gram to get a bath, you have a Dr appointment tomorrow at 10. She said she was fine and did not need a doctor. I told her, do not argue, you have an appointment, and you will keep it.
I took her in and waited in the waiting room until they were done, and the nurse handed me 2 prescriptions, I looked at them and one was for Xanex, I ask isn’t that stuff dangerous she laughed and said it is totally safe,but can become addictive if taken for a long time, she only gets 30, that is 1 a day for 30 days at bedtime. The other was for a mild antidepressant. The pharmacist told me the same thing when I ask. We went home and ate, and I did the chores and watched tv until bedtime. Jan called and ask how things went? I told her about it, and she said it should make a difference, I should see a big improvement in a couple of days. We talked for a few minutes and ended the call, after I promised to call her tomorrow. I got gram a glass of water and a Xanax and told her I loved her, and I would see her in the morning. I would start the other pills tomorrow.
I got up the next morning and gram was still asleep, so I went out and did the chores, when I came back in, I checked and she was still asleep, I thought boy that pill really worked, at least she is getting some needed rest, if they work that good, I might take one tonight myself. I started the coffee and went into her room to get her up, but she did not respond to my voice, so I reached over to shake her, and she was cold. I checked and she did not have a pulse and was not breathing. MY GOD, I cannot lose them both in such a short period of time!
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Post by feralferret on Dec 13, 2023 19:07:41 GMT -6
Dang! Drove right over that cliff!
Cashless1, thank you.
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Post by gipsy on Dec 13, 2023 19:14:10 GMT -6
Big loss for sure.
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Post by prepguy on Dec 13, 2023 23:08:05 GMT -6
Good story. Look forward to the next installment
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Post by cashless1 on Dec 14, 2023 15:48:05 GMT -6
CHAPTER 3
I called 911 described everything, it seemed like an hour before the ambulance got here. I showed them to her room, and they confirmed she was dead. They called it in and requested a medical examiner and the police. I ask why the cops and they told me it was standard procedure. It only took a few minutes for the police to arrive, I had to explain everything about gramps death and her depression, and the Dr, yesterday and the Xanax, that got their attention, I told them I gave her a pill about 9 pm along with a glass of water. They ask where the rest of the pills are I told them in her bathroom on the back of the counter. The older cop went to get the pills and came out and ask me how many pills did I give her? I said I gave her one, just like I told you, why? He said the bottle is empty, are you sure you only gave her one? I said yes just one. He ask how I was related to her? I said she is my maternal grandmother Maxine Jones. He told his partner to call the detectives and tape off the bedroom and bathroom, until the investigation is complete. He released the ambulance crew and told them to fill out a report and drop it off at the station. I ask do you think I killed my own grandmother. He did not answer. When the detectives arrived, the questions continued. I was getting scared and confused. I refused to answer any more questions without an attorney. He ask if I had one? I said no, I do not but I know who to call to get one. He checked my phone and wrote down the recent calls and messages before giving me the phone and said make your call, keep it on speaker. I called Jan, she did not even say hello, just how is she doing this morning? I didn’t answer her, I told her I need an attorney right away, she ask what is wrong? I said gram is dead and the cops are all over me, do you know an attorney? I think they are going to arrest me. She said she would make some calls and get back to me asap. The cop took my phone and said now we wait. I ask for a cup of coffee, and he said if it is made, he would get it for me. His partner got me the coffee, and I was shaking so bad I had to use both hands to take a sip. The phone rang and the cop answered it, this is the detective Smith, on Leo David’s phone who is calling? The caller said this is Mr. David’s lawyer, John Best. May I speak with my client please? The cop said it is on speaker go ahead he can hear you. Mr. Best said I would prefer to speak to him in private if you do not mind. The cop said if that is the way you want it, you can talk to him at the station. Best said Leo do not say another word until we talk. I will be at the station.
I was told to stand up and put my hands behind my back, he cuffed me and frisk me, removing everything from my pockets and led me to the squad car. He never said another word to me all the way to the police station. He told one of the other cops to get the VICTOM, removed and seal the place up and stand by until relieved.
At the station I was ask my name address and several questions. I did not respond, they put me in a small room and left. It was only a few minutes, that seemed like hours when the door opened and a man was locked in with me, he said I am John Best, I ask for his ID, He showed me his driver’s license and I relaxed a little. He said just a minute and knocked on the door and ask the cop standing outside to please remove the cuffs from his client before we start. After the cuffs were removed, Best started to ask me the same questions the cops had ask, so I said you sound just like the cops, I did not kill her, I only gave her one pill from her prescription nothing else. He said he needed all the info you gave them, word for word if possible. I told him they put the pill bottle in a plastic bag. He said they would talk to the DR and pharmacist to confirm my story. They will order an autopsy to determine cause and time of death. If you think of anything else at all, please tell me. I told him about Jan recommending I get gram to a doctor even after she said she was fine and did not need to see a doctor. I could not get her in to see a DR for 6 weeks, so Jan made some calls and got an appointment for yesterday morning. I took her to the DR and waited while he saw her, he gave her 2 prescriptions and I picked it up for her. I gave her a glass of water and one Xanax at bedtime. When I got up, I thought she was asleep, after I started coffee, and did chores. I went to wake her up and she was dead. That is all I know. He got up and tapped on the door and the cops came in and it started all over again, Best did interrupt them a couple of times, but the cops were not as bad as back at the house. Best said they did not have enough against me to charge me, but they are still looking. I got my possessions back, and Jan was waiting when I walked out of the jail. Jan ask as many questions as the cops, but she was concerned not demanding. When she got me home, we discovered that somebody had searched the entire house, and probably out buildings too. Jan told me to get a shower while she got me something to eat, she said, then she would take me to the funeral home. I told her I did not need a babysitter; I am a big boy and can do it myself. She said you are grieving; you are pissed about your house being searched and the way you were treated, and you must be worried about your future. You do not need a babysitter you need a keeper now go get a shower. Then we will go to town, Grams body had not been released yet but we did make temporary arrangements with the funeral home, and I still had to do the obit.
Mom and dad did come to the funeral, it surprised me when I saw him. After the funeral Dad ask me what I was going to do now? I told him I did not know; I had not had time to think about it. Then he said the farm would go to mom and they had decided to sell it. That was a shocker to me, after what gramps had told me. I just walked away. On the way home I told Jan about it, and she ask if there was a will? I did not have any idea.
When we got home, I looked in grams little phone book, and found their lawyer listed and called him and he did have the original signed copies of their wills. He scheduled the reading of the will for 1 week from today and said I could bring my lawyer if I wanted, and he would notify the other heirs. It was a long week, but the autopsy report came back, and after the cops talked to the DR and pharmacist, and grams fingerprints were on the pill bottle, The case was dropped, her death was declared a suicide.
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Post by gipsy on Dec 14, 2023 17:03:26 GMT -6
Sad but it sometimes happens when they have been together a long time. Thanks
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Post by rep1270 on Dec 14, 2023 17:33:08 GMT -6
I can live with that. My father passed in December and my mother passed in the following March. My father was 91 and my mother was 90 and died of Alzheimer's. They had a full life and they will be missed. Ralph
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Post by feralferret on Dec 15, 2023 3:20:01 GMT -6
Cashless1, thank you.
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Post by cashless1 on Dec 15, 2023 15:13:12 GMT -6
CHAPTER 4
The reading of the will was today, mom and dad were there along with mom’s lawyer. I had MR Best with me. After all the legal mumbo-jumbo Meyers read the will, my mother, gets their family car. And everything else goes to me. Dad jumped up and said we will fight this in court if we have to, this is not right. Myers told dad to sit down, and pointed out that he is not named in the will. The final declaration reads, if anyone contests this, they will forfeit everything. If either of you want to take this to court, have your lawyer notify me within 10 days. Thank you and that is all I have for today. Dad was furious, in the hall he told me I would pay for this. When I got home Jan was waiting in the driveway with a hundred questions. I stopped her and went through the whole thing in the order it happened. She was elated and wanted to celebrate. I told her they have 10 days; we will see. It was three days later that dad called and said he was coming to get the car. I told him the car went to mom not him, send her to get it, and you are not welcome on the property. I should not have said that, but I was fed up and pissed at him. I did take Jan out to eat, not to celebrate but to kill time. When we got back to the house, she said all she had seen of the house was the kitchen and dining room.
I gave her the grand tour, all three bedrooms, two and a half bath rooms, living room and storage areas. I was going to skip the root cellar, but she insisted. I told her I would show her the outbuildings another time, I was tired. She was amazed with all the closets and storage areas; I told her without a basement all the storage had to be in the living area. I promised to show her around the rest of the property the next time she was here. The next day she knocked on the door and said she was ready for the tour. We went through the barn and pole barn, she wanted to know what every piece of equipment was for, and I explained the best I could. Then we went up on the roof of the house, so I could show her the lake and the solar panels from a better vantage point. To say she was impressed would be an understatement.
It seemed like every neighbor came by to offer their condolences and offer me any help I needed, if I was going to stay here. They were all older than I was. I said I was staying and would appreciate any advice I could get. And I would call someone before I screwed things up too bad.
Jan stops by 2 or 3 times a week to make sure I eat and take care of myself. When I showed her the animals, she fell in love with the old milk cow’s they were almost pets’ gramps had let them go dry, but he kept them. They also kept 6 old hens for eggs. All the beef cattle had been sold, so he was basically retired. About all he did was mow and bale hay, and bushhog the pasture to keep the weeds under control.
It was very boring being here by myself, I had already called my boss and told him I would not be returning to work. He hired my replacement the next day, so I could not go back even if I wanted to. I told Jan how boring it was, nothing to keep me busy. Maby I should just lease out the land and get a job in town. She ask if I realized what I had here? I said I have a hole in the ground for a house, cows that do not give milk, and a non-producing farm. And I am going stir crazy in this big cave, I call a home.
Her response was, you have what most people work their whole lives for, and never achieve. You are only 23 and have everything you could ever need. And it is all paid for, and you have money in the bank. MY GOD what more could you ask for? Then she walked away.
Back inside she said you could buy some livestock, or open a repair shop, to work on farm equipment, there are dozens of options. You do not have to make a lot of money, just pay expenses. If you go to work for someone else, you are making them money, instead of making it for yourself. This woman cuts right to the chase and does not care whose feelings she steps on in the process.
Ok the pity party is over. I need to sit down and decide what I am going to do. Time to make a few lists. I have 160 acres, enough machinery to do the farming myself. Nice home, a lake a garden and an orchard. Some solar electric power but not enough to run everything. I can do all my own upkeep, and repairs on the equipment, so I have very few expenses. Electric, taxes, house insurance telephone and cell phone. If I let George continue with the crops, that will give me all the feed I need for the stock. Corn, wheat, and oats, that will feed cattle hogs and chickens. If I get more chickens I can sell eggs, I already have the milk cows I might as well get one bread, that will give me free milk. This is looking better all the time, I can provide my own livestock feed, and have beef, pork, poultry, milk, and eggs for the table, all for very little cost, after the initial expense. I may have to enlarge the garden a little, but that is no problem just hook up the plow and do it. I know I am overlooking and underestimating several things. But I am starting to see things differently, Thanks to Jan.
I will run this past Jan and see what she thinks. After she read my lists she ask about vehicle registration, and house, insurance, health insurance, Gasoline, diesel, LP. Then she added satellite TV, Internet, the foods you cannot produce and a half dozen other things I had missed.
Then she ask what the initial startup cost would be? And I had no idea at all. She said we could start going to livestock auctions and get ideas of what things cost.
Jan wanted to know about all the costs to run a working farm, and I had no idea. She said their income tax papers should give us some ideas. We studied the tax papers and began to see a lot of what they sold never got claimed, that or there was a lot of lost animals and crops. I told her I would talk to George and see what he thought. But the tax papers did tell me who they bought things from and the quantities they bought.
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Post by gipsy on Dec 15, 2023 15:56:12 GMT -6
Fine update. Thanks
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Post by cavsgt on Dec 15, 2023 16:22:45 GMT -6
Super good story!!!!! Thank You for all the effort to just entertain us.
Phill
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Post by cashless1 on Dec 15, 2023 16:54:38 GMT -6
it entertains me too, thank you
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Post by NCWEBNUT on Dec 15, 2023 17:22:28 GMT -6
Interesting and valid points on how to learn what you don't know about the cost of running a farm or any inherited endeavor. That's pretty clever. Great story.
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Post by feralferret on Dec 15, 2023 22:01:57 GMT -6
Greatly enjoying this story. Thank you.
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Post by cashless1 on Dec 16, 2023 15:51:31 GMT -6
CHAPTER 5
George thought for a few minutes before he said it is pretty much standard practice not to report it if a neighbor bought a half beef and you kept the other half for yourself. The same with hay and straw if the buyer could not claim it on their taxes, you did not report it either. Most cash deals were forgotten. The government did not know if you got 500 bales of hay or 50. If you wanted to claim every dime you made, they would gladly take it. If you got stupid, trying to get rich by cheating on your taxes, you would be in deep shit. He said if you sell me a half beef, just say for $400.00, and later you pay me $400.00 to work on a tractor, should we both claim $400.00 income on our taxes? That would not be smart, would it? I agreed it would not be.
Jan and I talked it over and I decided $10,000 should get me started. Then she ask if I was sure that would be enough? She ask if ever thought of having a partner. Then she said she would put in $10,000 and we could be partners. I told her I was not ready to get married yet. She almost yelled; I SAID BUSINESS PARTNERS NOT BED PARTNERS. She ask if I wanted to run this through a lawyer? I said no if we don’t trust each other, it will never work. So, she wrote it up, and we are now business partners, she has no claim to the farm or any of the machinery, that I already have. We both signed it, and that was it. Truthfully, I think she knows more about my affairs than I do.
Jan has been bugging me about getting the cows bread, she thinks it would be neat to have a cow that gave milk. I ask if she was going to do the milking? She said if I taught her how, she would, when she was here. I explained I would have to get the cow bread when she was ready, wait 9 months, for her to have the calf, then wait 4 or 5more months to have fresh milk. Her answer was the sooner you do it, the sooner WE will have fresh milk. She is starting to use the WE word more and more.
She told me to call the insurance man and make sure we were covered if one of them got out and got hit by a car, or something.
When I called and ask him, he said Jan had already mentioned it to him. As soon as I hung up, I called Jan and ask why in the hell, she was checking up on me? She said she had mentioned it at breakfast and was not checking up on me. I ask just how often do you happen to have breakfast with the insurance man? She laughed and said almost every day he is my father.
Of course, I knew she was nurse and was still living at home, but she had not said much about her parents. I guess I have a lot to learn. I apologized and said I would take her out for supper as a peace offering. She said after we go to the bank and set up the farm accounts, then we could go out to eat to celebrate. We had to wait until Saturday to go to the bank, and to eat, after we ate and were on the way to the farm, she admitted she was not mad, that I was mad, she thought it was cute. I called the vet on Monday and got the cow bread; she should calve in June.
Jan comes over almost every night now, some time she brings supper, or we cook, once a week we go out to eat and maybe catch a movie. We are waiting to buy the cattle until spring, so we do not have to feed them all winter. Farmer George had already picked the corn; I sold my part. He planted corn on my farm, and wheat on the neighbor Dons farm and oats on Randy’s. George had to explain it to me. He planted and harvested the crops and kept half, then me and the other farmers split the rest. That way we each got enough for our needs, or we could sell our share to the grain elevator. Our only cash outlay was half of the seed and fertilizer. He rotates the crops between the 3 farms, so it comes out even. George does custom farming on about a thousand acres all total. I think he just does ours as a favor, we only have 40 acres each. But that is what neighbors do. There are only 5 houses on our dead-end, crooked dirt road, me, Randy, and Dee, Don and Les, Pete, and his wife. George is the only other Single person, besides me. Jan and her parents, Fred and Gabby live about 3 miles closer to town.
Winter is setting in. Everything is done for the year, now just daily chores and bring in firewood. Jan and I have gone to the store several times, to get me stocked up in case I get snowed in. It looks to me like a lot of food, but she insists, and I know when to agree, whether I do agree or not. Jan came straight from work with everything we needed for supper, she said it is snowing. After supper and dish clean up, I put a movie on and we both fell asleep, When I woke up and saw the time, I woke her up. We had been asleep for 3 hours, when I looked outside all I could see was snow, going sideways, it was a blizzard. I said OH SHIT, what are you going to do now? She smiled and said after you get my bag out of my Jeep, I am staying right here, there is no way I am driving in this, unless you don’t want me to stay here. I hugged her and told her she could stay anytime she felt like it. I went out and got her bag for her. And while she was in the shower, I ran in and changed the sheets on my bed and straightened things up. After her shower I got mine, and even put on pajamas.
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Post by ydderf on Dec 16, 2023 15:57:45 GMT -6
Very enjoyable Thank you
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Post by gipsy on Dec 16, 2023 16:13:26 GMT -6
Thanks for the update
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Post by feralferret on Dec 16, 2023 20:43:40 GMT -6
"I would have to get the cow bread when she was ready"
I believe the word that you really wanted was bred, not bread. Yes, I grew up on a farm.
Excellent chapter. Thank you.
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Post by cashless1 on Dec 16, 2023 23:29:30 GMT -6
I did not think it was right but my spell check would not fix it. I have most of the story done. I will see if I can find it and correct it. thanks Les
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Post by feralferret on Dec 17, 2023 6:16:49 GMT -6
I did not think it was right but my spell check would not fix it. I have most of the story done. I will see if I can find it and correct it. thanks Les Spell check is about as dependable as auto correct.
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