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Post by papaof2 on Apr 7, 2020 22:50:40 GMT -6
In honor of the coronavirus, Louisiana has renamed a parish. It's now Bayou Self.
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Post by papaof2 on Apr 8, 2020 16:51:25 GMT -6
The world has flipped upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors.
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Post by 9idrr on Apr 8, 2020 20:52:33 GMT -6
Yeah, know a young lady here in town, only 64, who said her daughters don't want her goin' to the closest city with a reasonably good grocery store. She ended up payin' a pretty steep price for some long grain white rice from Amazon. Stopped by her place yesterday and dropped off a dozen eggs (she was out of those, too) and today she stopped by at work to tell me her girls were ecstatic that somebody would take care of her like that. Happened to have another carton of hen fruit to spare, so now her kids'll think I'm a hero. Actually, I've know 'em most of their lives, so they know better. ;^)
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Post by papaof2 on Apr 8, 2020 22:51:52 GMT -6
Does said young lady happen to have cooking skills in some specific area, such as bread, pies or cakes and you're just buttering her up for the future? ;-)
Today it's eggs, tomorrow it's yeast, the next day it's flour, then she'll be plying you with fresh bread...
I think we might have the beginnings of a new story here ;-)
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Post by papaof2 on Apr 8, 2020 22:58:05 GMT -6
A home schooling mom posted that her kid called her on the phone from his room and told her he missed the bus and won’t be in today.
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Post by papaof2 on Apr 8, 2020 23:28:05 GMT -6
Quarantine has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told 'No' if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
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Post by papaof2 on Apr 9, 2020 19:44:29 GMT -6
Asked a six-year-old if he understood why there is no school.
Observant child that he is, he said "Because they are out of toilet paper."
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Post by 9idrr on Apr 9, 2020 20:57:11 GMT -6
Does said young lady happen to have cooking skills in some specific area, such as bread, pies or cakes and you're just buttering her up for the future? ;-) Today it's eggs, tomorrow it's yeast, the next day it's flour, then she'll be plying you with fresh bread... I think we might have the beginnings of a new story here ;-) Well, she did say something about maybe bakin' something, and would we eat it if she dropped it off at work?
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Post by papaof2 on Apr 14, 2020 17:15:47 GMT -6
On average, a giant panda eats 12 hours a day.
A confined human eats like a panda.
Hence the name pandemic.
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Post by papaof2 on Apr 14, 2020 17:21:23 GMT -6
Some people only write lockdown because they can't spell kwarinteen.
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Post by papaof2 on Apr 14, 2020 17:23:52 GMT -6
This time last year, if you'd gone up to a bank teller in a mask and asking for money they would have called the cops.
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Post by papaof2 on Apr 14, 2020 17:30:53 GMT -6
Did you hear about the guy who scared the aliens who abducted him?
He wasn't terrified. He was smiling about being out of the house.
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Post by papaof2 on Apr 18, 2020 1:07:34 GMT -6
Gas is almost under $1. Restaurants are all drive-in. Everyone has shaggy hair.
Welcome to the 1970s.
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Post by gipsy on Apr 18, 2020 8:43:32 GMT -6
Been there. Have not been to a barbershop since 1983 when I retired
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Post by 9idrr on Apr 18, 2020 20:19:31 GMT -6
Ain't shaved since 10/16/69. What's a barbershop?
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Post by bluefox2 on Apr 23, 2020 19:09:19 GMT -6
This time last year, if you'd gone up to a bank teller in a mask and asking for money they would have called the cops. Stopped at a convenience store today and was shocked to see a sign on the door that read "Please wear a mask."
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Post by papaof2 on Apr 30, 2020 15:43:27 GMT -6
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Congress came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Congress was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Congress lined up waiting for a free hair cut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
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Post by gipsy on May 1, 2020 5:40:25 GMT -6
Love it
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Post by papaof2 on May 3, 2020 13:47:42 GMT -6
They're planning to designate an official mascot for the coronavirus pandemic. I understand that the raccoon is the first choice.
They always wear a mask and they always wash their hands.
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Post by papaof2 on May 3, 2020 13:58:54 GMT -6
I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
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Post by 9idrr on May 3, 2020 20:48:43 GMT -6
I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me. This might be the best one out of all of 'em so far.
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Post by willc453 on May 15, 2020 16:24:45 GMT -6
Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
I used to spin the toilet paper like I was on “Wheel of Fortune.” Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.
I need to practice social distancing from ... the refrigerator.
Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter ... The Living Room or The Bedroom.
PSA: Every few days, try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believing all is well in the kingdom.
Homeschooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job!
I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to Twilight Zone.
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into the house, told my dog...we laughed a lot.
So, after this quarantine, will the producers of “My 600-Pound Life” just find me or do I find them?
My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said: “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year.” I’m offended.
My Self-Isolation Quarantine Diary:
Day 1 – I can do this!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of wine. I fear wine supplies might not last!
My Self-Isolation Quarantine Diary:
Day 1 – I can do this!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of wine. I fear wine supplies might not last!
Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who Knew??
Day 4 – 8 p.m.: Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas.
Day 5 – Today, I tried to make hand sanitizer. It came out as Jell-O Shots!!
Day 6 – I get to take the garbage out. I’m so excited, I can’t decide what to wear.
Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!
Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen.” You must gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going bar hopping.
Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems nice. He’s a web designer.
Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?”
Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.
Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals lead the Blue Jays 3-1.
Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395 times this month?
If I get quarantined for two weeks with my wife and I die. I can assure you it was not the virus that killed me.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitizer which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled "just in case". The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
Thinking a mask is going to stop Covid-19 is the same as thinking that your underpants will protect everyone from a fart.
They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on.
The corona virus can be spread through money. If you have any money at home, put on some gloves, put all the money in to a plastic bag and put it outside the front door tonight. I'm collecting all the plastic bags tonight for safety. Think of your health.
To be honest, staff at my local Sainsburys were under the assumption that I've been panic buying alcohol for the last four and a half years.
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere. She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China. she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds. she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed. Best thing that has ever happened in my life.
I like my girls how I like my Covid. 19 and easily spread.
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Post by papaof2 on May 22, 2020 9:07:39 GMT -6
The King of Spain has been quarantined on his private jet.
That means the reign in Spain stays mainly on the plane.
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Post by gipsy on May 22, 2020 14:51:26 GMT -6
LOL
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Post by papaof2 on May 22, 2020 17:42:09 GMT -6
The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures are pushing some of their members over the edge.
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